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She may have known it was a past problem and believed he lived in victory, or she may have been clueless to his addiction and feels duped by him. The discussion begins privately between the two of you (Matthew ).
Still, she knows it is not “normal” and feels violated, exposed in shame that the man she trusted has taken what was sacred between them and viewed other women and other acts in violation to their sacred covenant of marriage. The wife’s biggest pain is that porn is a fantasy hidden away in his mind. Try to understand his depth of involvement, but it is rare to get the whole story the first time.
“In the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves…” (2 Timothy 3:1-5, NKJV). Because it’s easily accessible in secret, it can be a very private sin, but the result is a very large explosion!
Pornography is readily available everywhere from billboards to sex flicks to websites and chat-rooms, and as easy as “sexting” pictures of oneself and others. The secrecy surely magnifies the betrayal, anger, and horror a wife feels when she discovers her husband looks at other women online.
It can’t be stopped or monitored by another unless the porn addict chooses. She loses faith that their intimacy is real—it may just be a part of his fantasy about someone else he’s viewed. So what is a Christian wife to do when she discovers her husband is into pornography? Listen objectively before passing judgment or reacting in anger or disappointment. Listen with discernment to be sure you have the facts. God didn’t get it straight from Adam and Eve, and your husband isn’t likely to respond much better without help. Godly sorrow produces the fruit of repentance, which is to change. Keep praying and trusting God, and get help for yourself! He will need people who can listen with compassion and humility, and who know we all are candidates to sin (Galatians 6:1-5).
If she withdraws, he may use that as an excuse for his sin. But a good discussion is two-way, so ask him to listen to how you are feeling and how his sin affects your marriage and also his relationship with the Lord. If he refuses and you are convinced you have the facts, Matthew -17 says to involve help. Is his heart attitude toward his sin one of repentance or excuses and justification? Pray that he will come to a place of true godly sorrow (2 Corinthians ). It is easy to focus on his sin, but you must choose to focus on your faithful Lord instead, and on your own growth through this difficult trial (James 1:2-4). God has given you permission to involve those who can help! The depth of involvement that comes out of these discussions will determine the kind of help you need. For others, a more intense individual counseling with a godly man who can unpack perhaps years of wrong thinking and help him develop a lifestyle of self-control in the seven building blocks for moral purity.
But if you’re interested in sheltering your child, there’s an equally lavish smorgasbord of parental control and net nannying tools at your disposal.But trust first begins vertically: trusting even when you fear a future fraught with anxiety, with or without him.Going vertical strengthens you to face your anxieties and disappointments, and to choose forgiveness when there are no guarantees. Work on your communication and relationship as a couple.After he is growing in his vertical relationship with the Lord, it is time to evaluate the horizontal in every sphere.When a crisis in a marriage becomes a stepping stone to greater growth and intimacy, it strengthens the relationship and builds a platform for ministry to other couples in crisis.